Thank You

Nothing says Motherhood like a giant hour and a half work out followed by a school pick up where my kid says, "Mommy, you totally look pregnant." My self esteem is currently sky rocketing.

1 Down

We are a four-person family this weekend as my parents have taken one of our twins with them on vacation for the weekend. For the record...everything we have done as a family of four has been WAYYYY easier than as a family of five this weekend. I know that sounds calous. In know that sounds strange (if you don't have kids).

Truth is...kids take up soooo much effin energy, and time, and space, and sanity...releasing one to the grandparents on occasion is like Disneyland at home...except for night time. So here we are 10PM and I am missing my 3rd kid. I'm like a druggie who needs a hit every time I pass by her empty bed. I miss her, minus the tantrums about her hair and wardrobe in the morning.

I realize that we get exactly what we can handle...something someone told me a LONGGGGG time ago. I had three children for a reason...b/c I can take 'em. And even though the three of them make me want to scream MOST of the time...still I am here writing about how much I miss my third little asshole (if you're reading this later, Abs...I mean that in the most endearing way:) She is a total pain in my ass. And yet, I miss her still.

I miss my Abs tonight. Sleep tight. Sweet dreams, Angel.

Operation Skinny

I have officially felt discouragement...it was the flapping of my ass cheeks on the back of my thighs while running:) Ah yes...nothing quite feels as special as realizing I have eaten enough to make my own body parts clap!

So as the "Just Fix It" mentality has become my mantra the last few years, I have already come up with the plan...

Goal: Put on a bikini on my trip to Hawaii six months from now without shame.

Plan: "Operation Skinny"-join WW, and rope as many friends into doing it with me as possible! Afterall, misery loves company, right?

Possible Sidetracks: Asshole magazines with headlines reading, "How She Got Her Body Back", when the before pictures look amazing and healthy. For real Hollywood-just eat an effing pork chop already!

I am ready now to tackle this goal, if anything, to stop the applause that ensues everytime I pick up a little running speed:)

I Have Started Writing Again

If you hadn't noticed already...I like to write. And although I have written a blog for the last few years, I have actually been writing my whole life. My childhood journals are a total trip.

Anyway, as a Junior in High school I took a Creative Writing class that required students to enter Writing Contests all semester long. That's where it started for me...the only competition I am truly interested in competing in. I had one story make it into an Anthology back then, a story about my Grandfather. I was hooked.

Since then I have written a lot of crap--according to publishers, anyway. I lost mojo there for a while after countless rejection letters. It's like anything...we just want to be accepted, right. And to have poured my heart onto a page, only to have people say it sucks--pretty discouraging.

Here's the thing though...I have decided over the last couple of months that I am going to keep trying--not to publish a book anymore...the publishers were right...my novel writing abilities do kinda suck. And when I look back at what I did submit...em bar ass ing:)

I have decided to let all that go...so I have been writing, and reworking things I have written over the last few years. To my surprise...I have had two pieces selected for publishing--on blogs--small potatoes, I realize, nonetheless...my potatoes!

I have always read that you should "write what you know". For soooooo long now I haven't given myself credit for knowing anything worthwhile. Diapers and wipes, recipes and tantrums aren't exactly page turners I have always thought.

But I have decided that tantrums, while exhausting to experience 45 times a day, have taught me a few things like "how to effectively manage your tantruming asshole kids"--I'd read THAT article! And now...I think I might just have to write it too!

Wish me luck.

And in the mean time...if it's still posted...check out the letter I had published today on a blog for writers of all ages:
http://www.stageoflife.com/Default.aspx?tabid=130&g=posts&t=5408

New Years Day

I think I'm gonna go back to school FINALLY! I am writing it down to make myself accountable. I can roll the idea around in my head all day long. I can research it till the cows come home. It's expensive. It's time consuming. It's a big decision.

I don't know how I'm gonna pay for it. I don't know when I'll make the time. I am scared I am not going to be smart enough. I am afraid I will fail...I am going to try anyway.

Masters in Counseling. That's the goal. Now...it's time to get to work.

Last Day of the Year

In 2012 I will worry less, play more, sing louder, and dance in public. I will remember to always be me...and I will stop apologizing for it. I will never feel as powerless as I have the last few weeks ever again.

I'm No Landscaper

Big Girl interrupted me dashing out of the shower, only to inquire, "Mom...are you gonna trim that?"

For the record I believe any "landscaping" I may or may not decide to do will not be something I discuss with my 6-year old. And frankly I thought I was keeping my cool until she continued, "it looks like there's a whole head on your privates."

"Silly Girl," I chuckled..."Mommy is not dating Daddy. We're married."

Cheerio!

Here's my favorite quote after a 7-day adventure in London with Big Daddy. "We tubed the shit outta London!"

We are sooooo classy.

Life Lessons for the Week--Brought to You by Shel the Bell

Not making a decision IS a decision, BTW. So fucking make one:) I would prefer to deal with the consequences than wait the eternity for you to make one.

Don't be afraid.

If you are afraid, choose anyway.

If you choose wrong...accept it. Choose again.

Be thankful for your blessings. I'm not religious so blessings can be ANYTHING in my opinion, even if it means the Target employee in charge of your return knows what the hell they are doing--thank you Raj:)

Thank you weather for the sunlight you blessed us with today. My hands are WAYYYYYY less chapped than they were yesterday.

And thank you for bringing old friends back into my life. They remind me of a person who had so much less to worry about-refreshing. And frankly I'm still that girl...just with a lot more confidence!

Remember always-----no rain...no rainbows.

Drink in moderation...except when your kids are total assholes...then...drink the whole bottle.

Support your man. Choose your marriage every day. He's worth every fucking dirty sock he leaves on the floor in front of the hamper:) If the socks were gone...I think I'd miss 'em.

Don't tell your man you'd miss the dirty socks. Hold strong with the "you lazy mother...." speech. He is waaaaaay more likely to clean them up...at least 40% of the time.

Smile. People will respond to it.

Say "hello" to people. They will appreciate the effort, even if they feel uncomfortable responding at first.

Give people the benefit of the doubt. We are all just trying to make it till tomorrow with no "blood or bones".

Thank you for reading. This has been a presentation by me:)

Letters to My Former Self

Dear Body,

WTF?

Stop drooping. Stop sagging. Stop finding any way possible to rub your parts together. Just get it together and look perdy tonight. It's date night for God's sakes!