Deeeeevorce

The toughest part of divorce is watching what it does to the kids, in the short term. It's not lost on me how painful this is for the girls...especially when they punch me in the gut, literally. Sooooo, working real real real real hard on staying effective in the face of complete anarchy on little's part. All things considered, I have adapted-well. I have adjusted-well, despite all the "destruction" around me.

One day I am confident that the girls WILL understand that you have to love who you are in any relationship...and when that is gone, you should be too.

Cheers to staying strong in the face of completing disappointing most everyone around me. I have decided that I'm gonna be okay with that disappointment. Have decided that I still choose me. And someday I hope the girls learn they should always always always make that same choice no matter who tells 'em different. In the meantime though, let's hope they stop throwin' them right hooks in my direction:)

New House Blessing

Best way to break in a new house...stomach flu times four. Oh yeah, we feelin' right at home now.

New Mantra

to rise above: "to ignore petty matters and do what one is meant to do in spite of them."
(from the free dictionary)

gonna learn it. love it. live it.

Ride

I have been sitting on roller coaster trying desperately to just hold on...have realized I have had it all wrong...need to just let go.

Moving Forward

Divorce has changed me. And tonight, for first time in long time, I can finally breathe again.

The Latest...

Someone dropped religious paraphernalia on the front porch given the "circumstances" of our life, awesome. They left a note for Big Daddy with passages marked...I, OF COURSE had to confiscate the info for the evening...turns out after much reading I have still not found Jesus. Fuck that guy.

I Will Be Okay

Keep it up. Yeah, stir it waaaaay up. Guess what? I will be okay, despite you.

Choosing Sides

That's what it comes down to in the end I suppose. People just wanna know which side to choose. Lame.

Driving

Recently I have found that driving around in the car is a safe, and secure cry zone for me. I mean who really wants to sob in the house that you are breaking up, with all the marriage furniture staring back atcha? Ummm, not me.

The problem I have encountered with all this extra driving around feeling sorry for myself = road rage. Never had it before, but for fuck sakes people don't cut me off when I am trying to have a big fat cry over the changes in my life!

Yeah, I drive a l'il bit faster now. Yeah, I signal a l'il bit less now. Yeah, I flipped a couple more people off recently (ok that one is not true--gotta keep it classy ya know:) But I get in the car and just drive.

Will work hard to reduce my own road rage soon...but gonna need a l'il bit more time, a few more tears, and hefty load of questionable lane changes first.

Happy Valentine's Day