Mouthy Mama-Life on the Mothership!: Operation Skinny

WANTED

Highly Energetic, beyond patient, multi-tasker for independent, circus-like business operation. Individual must be willing to work 24/7 with no sleep, but still try and look sex potty for her man. She will manage diapers, feeding schedules, bloody nipples, and play exhaustively often all at the same time. The applicant will prepare annual budgets, grocery shop constantly, chauffer crabby clients to and from daily activities and negotiate absolutely everything with fishy crackers. She will feel low grade guilt ALWAYS. Monetary compensation will be nonexistent. Instead, she is rewarded daily with the love of her children...which for the most part comes in the form of slap in face, usually in front of strangers—Job Title: Mom

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Operation Skinny

I have officially felt discouragement...it was the flapping of my ass cheeks on the back of my thighs while running:) Ah yes...nothing quite feels as special as realizing I have eaten enough to make my own body parts clap!

So as the "Just Fix It" mentality has become my mantra the last few years, I have already come up with the plan...

Goal: Put on a bikini on my trip to Hawaii six months from now without shame.

Plan: "Operation Skinny"-join WW, and rope as many friends into doing it with me as possible! Afterall, misery loves company, right?

Possible Sidetracks: Asshole magazines with headlines reading, "How She Got Her Body Back", when the before pictures look amazing and healthy. For real Hollywood-just eat an effing pork chop already!

I am ready now to tackle this goal, if anything, to stop the applause that ensues everytime I pick up a little running speed:)